Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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