So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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