Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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