everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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