Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
