If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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