Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Randomize
