A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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