Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
