Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
