fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
