either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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