Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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