I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
