You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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