I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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