I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
