i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
