i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
