I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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