You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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