I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
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