What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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