wakey wakey hands off snakey
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
