I skipped work to stalk him.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
