wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
