Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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