My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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