If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
