is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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