He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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