I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
