There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
