the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My vagina is officially offended.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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