god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
