Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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