My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
