A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
They took my balls.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
