Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
