i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
