is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
