We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
