dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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