i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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