I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Panties = found
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