I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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