Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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