eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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