Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Come see our sink grown plant.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
