Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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