You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
