I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
