Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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