i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
