Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
